simple things.

In the last 24 hours I have been filled up with joy from the simple things in life. Sweet, quiet moments inside myself that make me feel so good to be breathing.
Like
-a bowl of ice cream on the porch-swing with a chorus of crickets.
-a few thousand people snapping their fingers in rhythm to one of my favorite songs.
-a very thick islander woman dancing with all of her heart, and ALL of her body to an awesome dance-y song.
-a random free ticket to The Head and the Heart.
-$1.80 being exactly how much change I had for exactly the right amount of time for the parking meter.
-being alone, but not feeling alone.
-grace and peace at the open house to the Ogden LDS temple.

What was your simplest joy today?

middle way

Life is constantly presenting me with metaphors for itself.
Today, a beautiful, not-too-hot spring day, also happens to be my day off, so I thought I'd venture on a hike. I have new-to-me hiking shoes I needed to break in, and I'm in desperate need of some exercise, so off I went.

The hike started out so lovely. I fell out of my body into my senses, my eyes overwhelmed with color from wildflowers all shapes and smiles. My face tickled with a breeze and ears the sound of a breaking twigs and crunching gravel with each step. Organic air soothed my breath. It was at such an incline that my heart thumping in my chest was at once soothing and rhythmic. breath. beat. breath. beat. My mind's volume turned down to a quiet hum.
Blissful. Thoughtless. meditative. Alive.

Then... about a quarter of a mile from the top I almost stepped on a snake. My heart flew out of my chest. I'm not a huge fan of snakes. I'm not terrified, but after seeing this one, I recalled all of the signs warning of rattlesnakes on the way up that I quite cheerfully ignored. "I am alive and it is lovely, don't bother me with that stuff." I don't know what kind of snake it was that I saw, but I wasn't really trying to stick around to find out. Now. I'm scared. Each step, my eyes glued devoutly to the space of ground only about 5 feet ahead. I am vigilant. On guard. Anxious. Completely in my head. I keep pausing to scan the stretch of path in front of me. I end up not making it too the top, but instead conclude that the longer I am out on this hike, the more of a chance I'll be bitten by a rattlesnake. I've already seen one today, right? This canyon is probably teeming with them. I all of a sudden hate hiking. I'm thirsty and hot.

It was hiking down the path about 15 minutes like that, completely miserable, that I realized the metaphor.
Sometimes in life we get caught up in our bodies. Pleasure. Beauty. Whatever it is that makes us feel nice... completely oblivious to the dangers life offers. Whether its danger to our mental health, spiritual, physical... and sometimes we decide to blatantly ignore warning signs.
And here is the flipside, my friends. Sometimes we are too vigilant. Too watchful, that we miss all of it. The wildflowers, the breeze. Every step we take being only motivated by fear.

Not to sound cliché, but somehow, we have to find the middle way.

life's soundtrack

To me, a movie's soundtrack is a fundamental, incredibly important part of the movie itself. Some of the most emotive parts of movies are when some perfect song builds to a crescendo in a very perfect part of the story, am I right? Like "The Only Living Boy in New York" in Garden State ( look it up) or Harold and Maude (the entire movie's soundtrack) or in Wicker Park when he's watching her dance and that Mum song is playing. I can think of a hundred other moments but you get the point.

Sometimes, when I'm feeling like Mary Catherine Gallagher, (like a Superstar), like my life is some great passionate, riveting movie, and I'm the lead actress... My character is quirky and awkward, incredibly impulsive, changing and evolving probably too much to keep any movie goers attention for long. But. My movie has a soundtrack, and its probably my favorite part of my movie. Songs get placed in moments or memories or montages of my life and if you ask about any song in my music library, (any of them) I can tell you what part of the story it belongs, and what feelings are associated with it.

Right now, my life's soundtrack includes 2 songs. The first one is a repeat song from another time in my life

Bon Iver- Re: Stacks

The lyrics chew me up and spit me out someone new. This song makes me feel a lot of things. If you listen, you might get a glimpse inside my head. I have sat on the floor next to my speakers and listened to this song with my eyes closed many, many times. Its the song that gets played on repeat after I mess up. Its an anthem to me, of rebirth, after being someone or doing something that isn't really me. "this my excavation, today is Qumran" In my life's movie, moments of this song will play throughout the whole thing.

The 2nd song has a very specific moment in my life's movie.



Wake Owl- Wild Country

Picture me in an old Buick... and its fit to burst with everything I own... and I'm driving away.

What is your life's soundtrack right now?

the violent act of picking a flower.

your bright, blooming, orange, paper mache flowers
i snapped from their stems
now sitting in a glass by the window
sad and lifeless drooping.

they bled and pussed in my hands
the whole walk home
the whole walk my palms
became more stained and stinking.


I never learned how to make a tourniquet for a flower.

So now can you see,
darling,
how my scrubbed and soaked and silken hands
didn't stand a chance?

wasted.

-you feel
like you're wasting
my time.-

this is playing
on a loop
in my head,
on repeat
in my mind's ear,
over and over.
just this
one
thing
from so many things
that were said.

from so many lives
that i've lived.

and my reply,
softly and sweetly
like a whisper:
yes. you are.
respectively,
it is still my time to waste.

so
stop your damn crying.

its my turn to be delicate.

A conversation I had today

L- "its alright, there will be other, warmer days."
me- "the sunnier the weather, the warmer my disposition."

L- "you are a sunflower"

me- "in a poem, I can be a sunflower, in real life, I'm just a crazy person."
L-"Life is a poem and no one, not even yourself, can say you're crazy."

mud (a poem)

I can't decide if my mood is contingent
on the weather, or if Mother Nature knows how
to mourn with those that mourn.

The ravens hover precariously over me outside,
wobbling like kites in uncertain wind.
Ravens shouldn't wobble,
ask Edgar Allen Poe.

My eyes burn and fidget and then leak
as big fat raindrops fall from the sky.
First... slowly.
Then a drop for every heartbeat.
Then a drop for every thought.

Today I am as 'bright and cheery'
as the mass of dark, bruised clouds above me.

My heart, folding back up into itself, pumps
from its chambers and hoses
mud
as thick as the mud in the driveway
my car will be stuck in tomorrow.

i am cold
and quiet
sludge;
if you give me a hand or a foot,
i will hesitate before i give it back.

What to do when life gives you lemons.

Sometimes life socks you in the face. A heavy, forced packed punch that causes you to involuntarily stagger back. You're taking a step back whether you like it or not.
Your eyes water... who are you kidding? You're crying! It hurts! That stupid bitch, Life. You'd throw a few punches back if you could... you can't. You'd plan your revenge if you could... you can't. You take it and like it. Its your only option.

How do you do that? you might ask... You've counted a slew of chickens that never hatched.
You put your trust in something you found out wasn't real.
You went on the hike of your life and the view at the end was so disappointing you collapsed to the ground right there in a heaping tantrum.
Your invisible demons keep creepin up and creepin in and teasing you and taunting you like an annoying older brother.
Life gave you lemons and you don't even like lemonade.
How you gonna take it and like it?
How are NOT going to take something or drink something or do something to drown it all out?
How will you continue to figuratively tread water until you get thrown your figurative life saver?

Its all in the details baby. Its all in asking the right questions. Its all in seeing the right perspective. Instead of "Why is this happening to me?!" ask "What do I need to learn from this?" Instead of "Where are all my damn chickens?!" think "Look how great these chickens I already have are!"
Life isn't easy. At some point you'd think we'd stop expecting anything out of it. But we don't.
So... Be Here Now.

Look how pretty those flowers are.
There's popcorn popping on the apricot tree.
Your dog has halitosis, but she's still giving you kisses.
Look how great your hair looks today. You look like a movie star.
HOW many pushups can you do?!
Cheez its... enough said.
That guy totally just gave you elevator eyes.
You're good at your job!
The grass is growing.
Eat an Easter egg.
Eat some carbs.
Hug your mom... and your dad... and your brother... and your sister.

Then turn the other cheek to Life and let it punch you again. Because you've got this.
Throw those lemons away and drink a Diet Mountain Dew.
You know what to do.
Stop whining and do it.

Motorcycle Ride

A punch-you-in-the-stomach sunset. Your smell I want to dry up and rollup and smoke up. Maybe. Get high. The wind rips and stings and flutters and all of these things until you have to realize-force yourself to see- that you aren’t actually flying. The ground is a slip of the foot away.
I can feel pieces of me stretching and pulling to break off in a snap like a leaf off of a tree, shuddering off into the sky in flight like all of those birds we saw tethered to the telephone wire… breaking free. Busting out. All of us flying the coop, over the cuckoos nest. None of us birds are caged. Not a single one.
With my hands on your waist .. Relaxed (what a waste) … these hands like wings not talons. Alive. Restless. Flapping desperately but never REALLY making contact. There’s nothing to clutch with, and even if there were, there’s still nothing to hold on to.

excerpts from a letter

Its snowing outside. The snowflakes falling like microscopic feathers, slow and weightless, taking their sweet time to join the convoluted white blanket already on the ground where individuality will disappear; they’ll become like a drop of water in a lake. Snow really is beautiful, and quiet and pure and glittery. I was spiting it this morning, because for a week the weather has been trying to remember spring. Warm days slowly getting just a bit longer, and moments when you can feel the sun trying to bake your skin. Today, the start of my five day weekend, was supposed to be spent outside, doing outside things… and I’ve been stuck inside, where my puny fire tries to mimic the sun.

Today I am useless. I’m boycotting anything productive. I slept, I watched tv. I spent too much time on the internet. I tried to read. And all day long I’ve had words floating in my head needing to be anchored and written. And I’ve sat down three or four times with the intent of doing that, unsuccessful, until I put your name at the top and your face in my head.

Speaking of your face in my head! You just called, and now I’ve got your voice in my head. The sun has sunk beyond the horizon, and with the darkness, I get a little bit of light with more of you in my mind.

How much longer? Time goes by so fast, but yet in so many ways, I forget that I’m not standing still. That I’m aging, as everyone ages. That the lines on my face are only going to get deeper and more pronounced, and that my body and brain will atrophy if keep just sitting here, waiting, without letting myself believe for even a moment that I am. Denial waiting. What am I waiting for, you might ask? Everything. LIFE. Beauty. Love. Something to write about. Something to make my heart explode rather than implode. Something to make my heart beat fast. Something electrifying. Something that’s neither black nor white but every single smidgen and idea of every shade of grey. Something to wake me up from this life I’m sleeping through. Something to motivate and excite. Something to ignite passion.. . I want to be on fire with passion, to be burning with it. And for that passion to be ok. For it not to destroy dream, or destiny. I want my mind to be light, alive with weightlessness. I want my mind to be a place where darkness isn’t welcome. I’m waiting for balance. I’m waiting for connection. Undeniable, magnetic, law-of-nature connection.

I sound like I’m complaining, or despondent. Truthfully, I’m not. I feel peace, and I see God’s hand in my life in so many beautiful incommunicable ways, more now than I ever have in my life. I have felt the sweet waves of The Holy Spirit permeate my soul more times in the last few months than I have ever in my life. And its settled me in so many ways, so why is it that I still feel like something is terribly missing? I wonder if this searching ever ends, or if it is life. Perhaps we are made and expected to always be looking for ways to fill our soul up more, as if here on earth it can never be and feel totally whole or full. Or maybe the idea of a soul mate being one’s other half is not so absurd.

End of summer

With the end of summer drawing OMINOUSLY near... with its cold sock-wearing mornings, and its nights getting longer and chillier... and my not being socially allowed to wear white pants after tomorrow (that's the clincher)... I've come to reflecting. In April I made a list of things I wanted to accomplish this summer, almost none of which I even attempted. I can't decide if I'm mad about it or not because this is what I did do this summer.

-I read books and in those books I drank the sweetness of Dandelion Wine and smelt bumblebees and came to realize I was alive. I learned the history of Jesus from beginning to end and the history of the philosophies of men from beginning to end. I learned about an idea of Siddhartha and the completeness of a river. I was an elitist secretary in pre-depression Manhattan; complete with gin drinking and jazz clubs and flapper jackets. I lived so many lives in the hammock under the tree, or with a hot cup of tea on the couch, or curled up with a billion blankets on my bed.

-I saw the Shins and The Head and The Heart in Salt Lake with my sister and brother-in-law. And I was reminded how concerts are almost always way better in my head than they are in person, but that there's always a high, always an electricity at live shows that makes it worth it. And to be honest, that was probably the most fun weekend I've had all summer hanging with my sister and brother.

-I have taken all necessary steps towards an official 'divorce' and its been so freeing.

-After much studying and reading about health I have become a vegetarian.

-I've walked and walked and walked.

-I listened to a billion different genres of music which makes me realize an end of summer playlist is in order.

-I adopted a puppy and then commenced to give him up for adoption because the pug wouldn't let me keep him. I know. I think it was the only time I've cried all summer.

-I learned many many many many important things this summer.
2 of which I want to share with you... also two instances where my heart has caught fire.

- How after a lifetime of listening to my mind and deciding things with my whim and my thoughts and my brain, i have learned how to listen to my heart. And why it is important to listen to my heart and spirit.. I learned about how our brains our flawed. And how our spirits, if we care for them, are perfect. Your soul will not lead you away from truth but only towards it. Your brain is flawed. My brain is flawed. This was a hard lesson for me to learn... I've never been okay with accepting something that my brain couldn't accept and understand as 'logic'. It'll take me all day to go into this.. but just know in listening to my heart/spirit my mind has been enlightened. And sitting at church with the choir singing "I know that my Redeemer Lives" can catch all of it on fire... Its ineffable. But also, it was only for me... and you'll feel it someday too if you stop trying to figure everything out with your head. God is in your spirit.
-The second thing I learned was the difference between 'feeling' someone with your body and loving someone with your BEING. The right touch can send shock waves charging up the center of your body... Like a very quick and potent high. This might have been my deciding factor in choosing mates... The chemistry between us. But like any high, there's a point in which you have to come down and I came down to complete incompatibility in some cases. In others, a person I hardly recognized. Someone I wasn't even attracted to let alone the person I 'loved'. The reason, I felt them with only my body my whole being wasn't involved. Then "ZING! a resurrection!" This person whom I've always known and always to some degree cared deeply about, comes a long and with my pen in my hand, and blue smeared ink on my hands, and paper and paper and paper, and letters and letters and letters, my heart finds away out of my chest just to soar. There is a lump in my throat, and a feeling like crying from feeling to much. In my chest, in place of a beating thumping heart, he has placed kindling, and lit it all on fire. Its a feeling like home. Its not lightening, or thunder... its quiet... but its there screaming at your face nonetheless.

The difference in feeling is not in anyway able to be confused with the charge or electricity of the body. It is night and day. It is based solely on intellect which is 'of the sun'. Not the body which is 'of the night'.
This summer, I have fallen in love.. and right now, its only a daydream. But just you wait.

This post is more a documentation, for me, I've realized. Not for you. But thank you for reading it.

recently...

-I can go hours and hours in a day without hearing the sound of my own voice, except to chide my little animals or praise them. I get so stuck in my own head. I get stuck in the right now. I get stuck wasting hours and hours of time looking up or listening to things that aren't real on the internet...or looking at or listening to art. Appreciating it ever so quietly with not even the slightest outlet of my own. I bombard my roommates with the 'happenings' in my life so as to almost document my existence somehow. I guess so that some human besides myself knows I'm living my life. That things happen to me.

-I'm not nearly so despondent as that sounded.

-I have a new animal. A little Australian Shepard mix. I named him Beam, no. not 'Bean'. Like sun'beam' or laser'beam' or for those of you schooled in the art of good music, like Sam 'Beam' of Iron and Wine. He's a bundle of fur and energy and curiosity. Sometimes I forget he's only been in existence for 2 months... He's so new to this planet! He's figuring out the limits and allowances of his body and environment. Its kind of beautiful, and sometimes patience draining. I'm smitten.

(picture by Whitney Johnson)

-I listened to the song "Miriam" by Norah Jones today, and it ripped my heart out. Both for the person experiencing the pain in the song and the person she wrote it to... Listen to the song, or look up the lyrics. Lately the position of the culprit and not the victim has been magnified for me. What if you made a mistake and no reparations could be made? Or if that mistake or years of youthful mistakes could only be repaired by years locked away? I feel so grateful that my mistakes have had only the most simplest of natural consequences, most of which were fueled only by my own guilt and anxiety.

-I bought Matisyahu's new album today and its awesome. I also got one, at the owner of Groovacious (the music shop)'s suggestion, called Super Heavy. Also awesome.

-I almost always want to go back to school. I'm bored too much, and a little bit obsessed with not wasting time. Will somebody please tell me what to go for? If I get a degree I want to use it!

-I want to collect and save every beautiful thing I see or read or hear.

-I want to create and write beautiful things. I get words and phrases stuck in my head all the time, or ideas, and I don't write them down and they get lost back in the current of thought in my head. I see so many beautiful things, the strange twist of the root of a tree, a lonely dandelion ready to be blown off into a sunset, the warmest of light spilling from a dark house radiating onto a dark front lawn, so many things and I don't bring my camera, and if I had it, it wouldn't look as arresting on film as it does in my head anyway. I envy your translation. Your ability to bring to art, life. You know who you are.

-I have a fascination with love stories right now. With love in general. I keep asking people I'm not close to personal questions like how they knew, or what fun things are part of their love story. Or if their heart ever felt like it was on fire. Or if they ever cried from too much feeling.

-I also have a fascination for letter writing. Its a dead art. And I'm resurrecting it. The closest of bonds can come from correspondence with ONLY a pen and a piece of paper. You should try it.

Atmosphere - You (unedited)

for the first time in my life I'm actually into hip hop and rap. Like can't get enough.
Not the hoes and bitches and violence and money rap.
I'm not sure what sparked it,  (I've been exposed to it all my life, but now its 'moving' me) listening its like def poetry set to rhythm and beat, and I envy the ability to write like that! What if there is a rapper in me trying to get out? Can you just see it?

recently..

-blog reading is a new favorite thing to do of mine. Its like getting to know characters in a book, mixed with the obsession our
generation has with reality TV.
-I have successfully completed one of my end of summer goals. I made something start to finish... A crocheted bag that I am
actually very proud of.
-I also just finished the book Jesus the Christ. Its an in depth study of the life and works of Jesus Christ. Its biased towards the LDS faith, (it is written by one of the apostles) But, without a doubt I'd recommend it to anyone. Its like a history text book. It leaves no question unanswered.
-my favorite spot in Cedar City is the hammock under our giant apricot tree in the back yard. Last night I ventured under it in the dark to eat ice cream and watch the last slivers of light peek their way through the transparent leaves. Its such a beautiful spot. I've fallen into my own head many a time there.
-I have an affinity for words. Right now my favorite is 'inmediatamente' which is in Spanish and it means immediately. But sometimes I just whisper it to myself because I like how it feels coming out of my mouth.
-I'm starting to have second thoughts about being platinum blonde. I don't want to fry my hair off my head.
-Yesterday I spent $15 at Walmart to develop a roll of film. Outrageous. And. As film goes, only half of the pictures turned out how I wanted them to. I still hardly think I'll make the switch to digital.

-just a few of the pictures.

Things I've Learned from My Mama.

Since its Mother's Day... this post is for you, Mama!

Things I've learned from my mom...

1. How to be pretty .I'm not talking about the inevitable passing of genes. Since I was a little girl I was fascinated by Mom's beauty regimen. We'd all come downstairs and sit on the couch while she'd sit in the chair, caboodle on her lap, legs out in the air, putting on her 'face'. The transformation and even the process was something intriguing to me. Her hair was big and curly and beautiful (still is) and her makeup always well done, and just so. She's always kept up with the newest trends and fashions without being one of those obnoxious trying-to-be-twenty Moms. She's never let herself go.

2. How to be kind. I can honestly say, my mom doesn't bad mouth people. I've never once ever ever ever seen her be unkind. She is compassionate and giving of her time and things. She's always been a prime example of a genuinely nice and good person. She gives strangers compliments, and becomes friends with anyone!

3. How to be clean. This one isn't something I'm very good at. But something I'm grateful to have learned. Growing up, our house was always spic and span spotless. Mom kept things so clean. She'd deep clean every single friday. Everything in the house was organized, dusted, swept and mopped. This is a hard thing to live up to!

4.How to not be lazy. My mom hasn't always had a paying job but she's always been a hard worker. We had a home cooked meal every night. Our house was clean and spotless, laundry done and folded and put away, the yard was always perfect, and along with all of this, Mom has almost always had a daily workout regimen.

5.How to be tough. Not from working out. Mom has always had some weird or normal health thing afflicting her. Ever since I was little I remember Mom having surgery for something or other. From the hysterectomy, to sinus problems, to a wrist surgery, and a knee surgery. Her recovery time was hardly existent, because she'd be up and doing things immediately after. She's cheerful and uncomplaining. She's stood up to the most painful of losses, the loss of a child and later in her life, her mother. She did not lose her self at the pain of it. She's a fighter.

6.How to be patient. As if having 3 kids and doing all of the above wasn't hard enough, one of her kids has social and mental disabilities. My brother, Bradley, the sweetest ball of sunshine to bless a life, isn't always sweet. And people weren't always sweet to him. My mother has withstood and stood by my brother and the pain and cruelty of bully kids and bully adults. My mom has had patience for NOT ONLY his disability, but the disability of human nature... She's not judgemental or vindictive. Only patient, and its something so beautiful to me.

7.How to be creative. Always Mom was making something. She has a gift for making something out of nothing. She was always painting ceramics, painting canvas, crocheting beautiful afghans, re teaching herself piano, and taking brilliant pictures,. Never in my life has my mom been without some sort of art project. Its such a light to grow up with... Who would I be without a deep and awe inspired appreciation for art?

8.How to listen to music. Music was not something we just had as background music in our house. We blared it and danced and sang. Mom always kept up with the times, and still does. We'd listen to music in the car and the house so loud and so fun. We each had our own music player in our rooms, and it was a requirement in our household to be cool with music.

9.How to be yourself Mom is herself no matter who or what's going on. She's does not censor herself for the benefit of the people around her. She is proud of who she is, and does not embarrass easily. (something I wish I was!).

10.How to be a good mom. If I'm half the mother she is, my kids will be set. She's dedicated her entire life to us, and, Mom, I want you to know how full and warm my heart is in gratitude to you! The longest list in the world couldn't tell it. You're amazing!!!


What has your mom taught you?

Force of good.

http://www.iamthedoc.com/

I saw the trailer to this documentary today. Just randomly happened upon it, and decided to watch it. I haven't seen the whole film, only the bits and pieces displayed on the website. I couldn't help but feel some 'stirrings'. My eyes welled up, and I couldn't stop myself from this weird and sudden out pour of emotion.

I'm sure the profundity of only the trailer is lacking in comparison to the whole movie, but it struck all the right chords.
A deep and intensely illuminated spark and desire in me to be nothing but a force of good. For every ripple I cause to be a sweet one. How great it would be to not just be a good person. But a FORCE of good.
This has been on my mind a lot lately. Just that phrase inspired from wind or air or something. IN my head. FORCE OF GOOD.

Today I will start. Today simply by being 'impeccable' with my words. No more shit talking. (something that has seen a great improvement lately.) No more snide sarcastic comments. What would it be like to be funny and not at someone else's expense? What would it be like to bond over a mutual love, rather than a mutual dislike? What would it be like to stop being "anti"?

Will you try this with me?

recently...

all pictures taken by Tiffani Herpel.

Thursday Listday

10 Things I Want to Do This Summer.

1. Learn to drive a manual car. I understand HOW to do it, but I've never been given a clutch to ruin in practice.

2. New colors in my house.

3. Go to the Grand Canyon and Bryce Canyon. (I made it to the gate of the northern end of the Grand once, only to find out it had been closed for the winter 2 days prior. boo.)

4. Run a mile. (I DO NOT run. So this would be a fun one.)

5. See bands I love in real life. (I have tickets for The Shins in May!!!)

6. Be platinum blonde.

7. 15 regular push ups.

8. Make something (start to finish) with my own 2 hands.

9. Finish the majority of books on my 'unread' shelf. (I just keep buying more and adding to it... I'll never catch up!)

10. Become a regular church goer.

thursday listday

yep. really doing it. 5 things I wish I were.

1. A better friend. I feel like I'm improving, but for the most part, I get so stuck in my own head, that sometimes I don't have room for anybody else.

2. A traveler. I want to put all of my money into it. But I don't have a partner, and I'm just not brave enough to go it alone.

3. A master in self mastery. I wish I were more strict with myself. I know it would lead to more happiness and better character... but I can't help but let myself do what ever I want.

4. Completely fluent in another language. Language intrigues me.

5. Talented. Ok. Everyone has talents... blah blah blah. I just wish mine were more apparent. I have a friend who is good at everything she takes interest in doing. Seriously. She's freaking awesome. My sister is a talented writer and photographer. My mother extremely creative in her photography and art. People sing, people dance... and I can't stick with anything long enough to get good or 'passionate' about it. So I guess talented isn't what I wish I were, I wish I had a longer attention span.

thursday listday

In the spirit of trying to think good positive things about myself, today's list is
10 things I'm good at.

p.s. (not pre meditated in anyway.)

1. Choosing good media. (books, movies, music) I feel like this could be less arbitrary than it sounds like it should be. Like some people just really have terrible taste... am I so wrong for thinking mine is superior? ha. -off to a good start.

2. Being witty.

3. Not smoking for 3 months. Which means, although I think for the most part I have no self control, there IS a smidgen of it in me.

4. Customer service. Although I don't really love to do it, i am good at it.

5. Changing things on a whim. Hair color, place of residence, style of clothing preferred. ha. I don't know if this is a good one?

6. Being empathetic. Not just having an empathetic ear, but truly caring about other people's suffering sometimes too much.

7. Speaking Spanish with very little formal education.

8. Exercising. Not that I'm super physically fit, but just that I really like doing it, and am usually pretty good about sticking with it.

9. Working hard.

10. Being open minded. But hopefully not too much.

This was really hard! I spent a long time sitting and staring at walls. All the while thinking about how my next list will be things I wish I was... or things I need to improve on.
Sad that I don't give myself credit. Like ever.
Are you better at knowing what you're good at?