receipt scribble

things found in my bag on busted up crinkled pieces of scratch paper and receipts

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Atmosphere - You (unedited)

for the first time in my life I'm actually into hip hop and rap. Like can't get enough.
Not the hoes and bitches and violence and money rap.
I'm not sure what sparked it,  (I've been exposed to it all my life, but now its 'moving' me) listening its like def poetry set to rhythm and beat, and I envy the ability to write like that! What if there is a rapper in me trying to get out? Can you just see it?

Wednesday, May 16, 2012


-blog reading is a new favorite thing to do of mine. Its like getting to know characters in a book, mixed with the obsession our
generation has with reality TV.
-I have successfully completed one of my end of summer goals. I made something start to finish... A crocheted bag that I am
actually very proud of.
-I also just finished the book Jesus the Christ. Its an in depth study of the life and works of Jesus Christ. Its biased towards the LDS faith, (it is written by one of the apostles) But, without a doubt I'd recommend it to anyone. Its like a history text book. It leaves no question unanswered.
-my favorite spot in Cedar City is the hammock under our giant apricot tree in the back yard. Last night I ventured under it in the dark to eat ice cream and watch the last slivers of light peek their way through the transparent leaves. Its such a beautiful spot. I've fallen into my own head many a time there.
-I have an affinity for words. Right now my favorite is 'inmediatamente' which is in Spanish and it means immediately. But sometimes I just whisper it to myself because I like how it feels coming out of my mouth.
-I'm starting to have second thoughts about being platinum blonde. I don't want to fry my hair off my head.
-Yesterday I spent $15 at Walmart to develop a roll of film. Outrageous. And. As film goes, only half of the pictures turned out how I wanted them to. I still hardly think I'll make the switch to digital.

-just a few of the pictures.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Things I've Learned from My Mama.

Since its Mother's Day... this post is for you, Mama!

Things I've learned from my mom...

1. How to be pretty .I'm not talking about the inevitable passing of genes. Since I was a little girl I was fascinated by Mom's beauty regimen. We'd all come downstairs and sit on the couch while she'd sit in the chair, caboodle on her lap, legs out in the air, putting on her 'face'. The transformation and even the process was something intriguing to me. Her hair was big and curly and beautiful (still is) and her makeup always well done, and just so. She's always kept up with the newest trends and fashions without being one of those obnoxious trying-to-be-twenty Moms. She's never let herself go.

2. How to be kind. I can honestly say, my mom doesn't bad mouth people. I've never once ever ever ever seen her be unkind. She is compassionate and giving of her time and things. She's always been a prime example of a genuinely nice and good person. She gives strangers compliments, and becomes friends with anyone!

3. How to be clean. This one isn't something I'm very good at. But something I'm grateful to have learned. Growing up, our house was always spic and span spotless. Mom kept things so clean. She'd deep clean every single friday. Everything in the house was organized, dusted, swept and mopped. This is a hard thing to live up to!

4.How to not be lazy. My mom hasn't always had a paying job but she's always been a hard worker. We had a home cooked meal every night. Our house was clean and spotless, laundry done and folded and put away, the yard was always perfect, and along with all of this, Mom has almost always had a daily workout regimen.

5.How to be tough. Not from working out. Mom has always had some weird or normal health thing afflicting her. Ever since I was little I remember Mom having surgery for something or other. From the hysterectomy, to sinus problems, to a wrist surgery, and a knee surgery. Her recovery time was hardly existent, because she'd be up and doing things immediately after. She's cheerful and uncomplaining. She's stood up to the most painful of losses, the loss of a child and later in her life, her mother. She did not lose her self at the pain of it. She's a fighter.

6.How to be patient. As if having 3 kids and doing all of the above wasn't hard enough, one of her kids has social and mental disabilities. My brother, Bradley, the sweetest ball of sunshine to bless a life, isn't always sweet. And people weren't always sweet to him. My mother has withstood and stood by my brother and the pain and cruelty of bully kids and bully adults. My mom has had patience for NOT ONLY his disability, but the disability of human nature... She's not judgemental or vindictive. Only patient, and its something so beautiful to me.

7.How to be creative. Always Mom was making something. She has a gift for making something out of nothing. She was always painting ceramics, painting canvas, crocheting beautiful afghans, re teaching herself piano, and taking brilliant pictures,. Never in my life has my mom been without some sort of art project. Its such a light to grow up with... Who would I be without a deep and awe inspired appreciation for art?

8.How to listen to music. Music was not something we just had as background music in our house. We blared it and danced and sang. Mom always kept up with the times, and still does. We'd listen to music in the car and the house so loud and so fun. We each had our own music player in our rooms, and it was a requirement in our household to be cool with music.

9.How to be yourself Mom is herself no matter who or what's going on. She's does not censor herself for the benefit of the people around her. She is proud of who she is, and does not embarrass easily. (something I wish I was!).

10.How to be a good mom. If I'm half the mother she is, my kids will be set. She's dedicated her entire life to us, and, Mom, I want you to know how full and warm my heart is in gratitude to you! The longest list in the world couldn't tell it. You're amazing!!!

What has your mom taught you?

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Force of good.

I saw the trailer to this documentary today. Just randomly happened upon it, and decided to watch it. I haven't seen the whole film, only the bits and pieces displayed on the website. I couldn't help but feel some 'stirrings'. My eyes welled up, and I couldn't stop myself from this weird and sudden out pour of emotion.

I'm sure the profundity of only the trailer is lacking in comparison to the whole movie, but it struck all the right chords.
A deep and intensely illuminated spark and desire in me to be nothing but a force of good. For every ripple I cause to be a sweet one. How great it would be to not just be a good person. But a FORCE of good.
This has been on my mind a lot lately. Just that phrase inspired from wind or air or something. IN my head. FORCE OF GOOD.

Today I will start. Today simply by being 'impeccable' with my words. No more shit talking. (something that has seen a great improvement lately.) No more snide sarcastic comments. What would it be like to be funny and not at someone else's expense? What would it be like to bond over a mutual love, rather than a mutual dislike? What would it be like to stop being "anti"?

Will you try this with me?